dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
