I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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