the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
