Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
