My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize