I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize