I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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