Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
