i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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