Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
