It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
