i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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