woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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