i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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