So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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