moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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