I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
