Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
foreskin is a definite game changer
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
did you just send me my own nude
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
