the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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