So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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