I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
