i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
