This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
