Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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