Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
