The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
