I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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