dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
When are your genitals available?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
