i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
