If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
