return my video game
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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