theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
