he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
