is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
