if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
