who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Drunk is not a location!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
