I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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