Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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