seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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