everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize