I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
