Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
