Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
