he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
