I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
