im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
