i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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