You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
