I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize