the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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