Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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