so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize