can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
