if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
