I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
