Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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