Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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