Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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