Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
