No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
