i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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