how can u be prego again
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
