come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
