youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
