she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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