I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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