i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We're too hungover to prance.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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