whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
COCAINE IS GR8
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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