Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize